The Bicycle Thief

This kid is almost kidnapped like eight times. Dude cannot keep track of his stuff.

If you have suicidal tendencies, I would not recommend watching The Bicycle Thief.  This isn’t to imply that if you are full of a zest for life that you should watch The Bicycle Thief, just that you should be ready for a depressing ride.  It’s tough to get excited about a movie where everything is sad.  I already know that people are poor and downtrodden around the world.  Why do I need to be reminded of this while reclining on my green leather couch, spilling M&Ms all over myself as I shovel them in my mouth?

From the limited knowledge of Italian history I gleaned from reading Olive Garden menus, everyone in Italy was poor and destitute after World War II.   Having a bicycle to tool around Rome looking for work can make all the difference in being able to afford the Tour of Italy and scraping the last bit of fettuccini alfredo from the dumpster out back.  It’s hardly a spoiler to say that a man has his bicycle stolen early on in the movie.  A larger spoiler is to inform you that nothing else happens for the rest of it. The majority of the run time is just the main character trudging through Rome looking for his stolen bicycle. 

He’s dependent on this bicycle so he can stop being so damn poor, and there’s a larger point about cycles of poverty, but there’s seriously like fifteen minutes spent watching Italian men look over racks of bikes and tires trying to find the stolen bike.  Then there’s ten minutes arguing in a church.  Another dozen at a restaurant where they can only afford the bottomless breadsticks.  Does he find his bicycle?  By the end, you will not care.  A movie can be boring or depressing, but being both is like having your cake and eating it too, except, like, the opposite because somebody stole your cake.

Rating: Musty

Did I fast-forward: Yes